anisah abdul rahmani am absolutely exhausted. but i just feel like typing. i just need to. i can not hide this anymore. i hate this heavy feeling that i have been carrying around lately. it does not make me feel good. it’s not healthy. i really need to let it go.
I, AM PARANOID. yes, i am paranoid when people tend to judge me by the first impression. well, people always judge people by the first impression. and let me tell you this, my first impression sucks. yes. heard that?
i hate hate hate and i said i hate it when people think i am totally arrogant/stuck up. because, I. AM. NOT. i used to think that that is ok for people to think that way towards me. i mean, i really get that a lot. like everywhere, all the time. and i couldn’t be bother about what they gonna think. but now i think it’s too much already. i feel like it’s a hatred.
urgh. i do not know how to explain this.
i know, and well it’s clearly, that i have a mo’fuckin stuck up face. no one can ever deny that. not even myself. not even you. yes you, reading this. and i just do not know how to show that i am not stuck up.
i mean it sucks to be someone shy and not that friendly who is stuck with a stuck up face for her whole life. yeah. i am not friendly. i do not talk that much. ok, maybe sometimes. but at other times, i prefer to stay silent and think. i think too much, and i day dream too much. i don’t smile to stranger that much either. only certain. i am just, shy. that is me. you see.
well it will be impossible for me to tell everyone that passes by me, the real person i am, yes? it’s tiring, and i can never please anyone enough. that is for sure.
and i do not like the fact that some people think that i am an angry person - judged by the face (what else), after which make that person feel afraid to tell me things that he/she might think that can make me flame up.
i am certainly not an angry person. i mean, yes, i am short tempered. but i cool down easily and i do not hold grudges. even, lately, i’ve been reminding myself to stay calm, as much as i can. life is too short to be frustrating. i’m learning to enjoy every minute while i can.
so please, you do not have to hide anything from me. i am someone reflective. well i think that’s about it. i feel so much better now. thank you so much for reading.
